libertysfic: Keeping You a Secret

Title: Keeping You a Secret
Chapter 11: Iris
Author: Liberty Beta: Helen
Proof: G.M.
A/N: Lyrics are in Italic and the note is in Bold. I got the lyrics from Azlyrics.com.

Justin doesn’t remember where he is but he knows that he isn’t at home. He slowly opens his eyes and sees that he is in Brian’s house, more specific in the living room on the couch.



He can tell its dark. He glances at the clock and sees that it is after 11. He pulls himself up and walks up the stairs to Brian’s room. The door is slightly ajar and he can see the light is on.



He walks up to it and knocks gently.



Brian is sitting at his computer, shirtless, when he hears the knock. He turns around and sees Justin standing there watching him. He crosses the room and takes the smaller boy in his arms.



Brian: “How did you sleep?”

Justin: “Okay but I am still a little tried. How long was I out?”

Brian: “About two hours. My mom is gone. I wanted to wake you but she told me to let you sleep.”



Justin smiles into Brian’s chest.



Justin: “Smart woman.”



Brian walks Justin over to his bed and they sit down.



Brian: “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”



Justin looks at the older boy in the eyes and he can feel the tears well up.



Justin: “My mom found my sketch book of drawings of you.”

Brian: “Okay, well, tell her they are for art.”

Justin: “I can’t *blushes* they are nudes too.”

Brian: “You just saw me naked for the first time today,

*looks at Justin who is bright red* you used your imagination?”



Justin nods.



Brian: “I think I need to see these….”



Justin laughs.



Justin: “So my mom asked me what they were and why I had so many and I told her they were of my boyfriend and that I was gay.”

Brian: “Wow!”

Justin: “Yeah, she told me I was mistaken and I told her I wasn’t. She told me that if I was saying I was a faggot then I have to leave; she would send me to St. Louis to live with family.”

Brian: “What! Are you fucking serious?”

Justin: “Yes. She told me that I have until Sunday night to figure out if I am really gay and if I am …I’m gone or I can lie and stay here but I wouldn’t see you again.” *the tears that once were threatening to fall now have fallen*

Brian: “What are you going to do?”

Justin: “I don’t know and I don’t want to think about it right now.”



Brian looks Justin in his eyes and reaches behind his neck and pulls him in for a deep kiss.

They lay back on the bed with Brian half laying on Justin, with his arms wrapped around Brian’s waist, pulling off the blonde’s shirt. Brian looks to try and see what’s there…



Justin: “Help me forget …Please.”



Not needing another word spoken, Brian and Justin somehow ended up completely naked with their hands running over each other’s bodies. Spit mixed with the heavy moans as Brian slowly kisses down Justin’s alabaster skin.



As Brian holds himself at Justin’s ass he looks into his blue sapphire eyes and sees nothing but love and wanting. He rolls the condom on and slowly starts to push himself in and sees the pain on Justin’s face.



Brian: “Breathe…”

Justin: “Does it always hurt?”

Brian: “Yes, it will get better I promise.



After a few very intense minutes, Brian feels Justin start to relax Pushing himself against him; they soon find a rhythm and start rocking against each other. The house is suddenly filled with moans and gasps of oxygen. Both boys suddenly know it’s about to end even though it is far too soon for either of them.



After a few minutes of catching their breathe Justin leans up on his elbows and smiles down at Brian’s half shut eye lids and kisses him gently on the lips.



Brian: “What are you doing blonde?”

Justin: “Just thinking how fucking beautiful you are.”

Brian: “You’re not bad yourself.”



Justin falls back on to the bed.



Justin: “What am I going to do?”

Brian: “Tell your mom that you were wrong.”



Justin looks at him like he grew a second head.



Justin: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Brian: “Justin, it’s something you will have to do so we can still be together.”

Justin: “You still want to be with me?”

Brian: “Yeah, you kinda of grow on a person.”



Justin playfully slaps his stomach…



Justin: “We won’t get to see each other a lot.”

Brian: “We will work it out.”



Brian leans down and kisses Justin gently.



Suddenly the alarm goes off and instead of that annoying beeping sound, the intro to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls fills the room and as Brian reaches over to turn it off Justin stops him.



Justin: “I love this song.”



They both lay on the bed just letting the words wash over them and secured that they will be okay but unsure what will happen with Justin’s mom knowing the truth.



And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now.



And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight.



And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.



And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

And you bleed just to know you're alive.



And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.



(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.



And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.



I just want you to know who I am.



I just want you to know who I am.



I just want you to know who I am.



They fall asleep holding each other.



Justin wakes up right before dawn. The events of night before comes back to him and he smiles. He looks at Brian and he’s just struck at how beautiful he is in the morning light. He leans down and presses a gentle kiss on his lips.



Justin: “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”



With that Justin gets up and starts to dress himself and as he leaves, he places a note on Brian’s chest. He hates what he is doing but he has decided that he has to do what he knows is right in his heart. Brian wakes up sometime after nine and feels the empty bed and then feels something on his chest. He opens the note up and reads:



“Brian,



You look beautiful first thing in the morning. I am sorry to be gone when you wake up and trust me nothing more would make me happier then to wake up in your arms. I have to do this. I won’t let her send me away but to deny who I am and who you are to me, is not an option. I’ll be back soon. I know this maybe soon but I love you and I’m falling really hard and fast; so for me to ignore that is impossible. I am sorry if you don’t understand but I will come see you when I’m done with my mom.



Love,

Justin”



Brian: Fuck!



Brian gets up and runs to the phone to call his mom. He doesn’t know how, but it has to work; he can’t leave Justin alone.



Justin’s house



Justin walks into the house and he’s not surprised that everyone is still in bed. He knew this morning, when he woke up next to Brian, he could never ignore the feelings the older boy stirred in him. They were too strong and powerful.



That’s when he made his choice, he was leaving home still unsure about everything else in his life but completely sure of his love for Brian and his truth of himself.



He walked into his room in the basement and he feels free for once as he realize that this was never his home. He had never felt he had a home before. He pulls out a huge duffel bag and starts to place his clothes, sketchbooks, cd’s, and school books in there. As he looks around he realizes it’s a little sad that his whole life can fit into a large duffle bag. He starts to head up the stars into the kitchen and sees his mom there.



Justin: “Hello.”

Jennifer: “What are you doing?”

Justin: I made my choice. I’m gay mom and nothing will change that. I could lie and say that I was confused but I’m not. I’m very sure and for once in my life I feel at peace and free. I can’t and will never deny that. So, I am leaving. I don’t know where I’m staying yet so don’t ask but I can’t stay here you made that clear. I do love you but I’m sorry.”



Jennifer doesn’t say anything as she watches her son walk out the door and her life forever.



When Justin walks out he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Right in front of his house is a black jeep with Brian inside watching him. He carries the bag and Brian meets him half way in the yard and pulls him into a hug.



Justin: “What are you doing here?”

Brian: “Thought you could use some help.”

Justin: “Thank you” (he whispers as the tears start to fall)



Brian leans down and gently brushes his lips against Justin’s



Brian: “Come on, let’s go.”



They get into the Jeep and Justin looks back his home and his family. He sees his mother in the window watching as he drives away