вторник, 9 октября 2007 г.

iceblitz

 So. I am busy procrastinating on doing my piece for workshop. Which is due tomorrow, incidentally. So, I was planning to finish off that one thing I started last year, got two parts into, and was afraid to touch the third for fear of murdering it. So, I'm rereading parts one and two, so I could remember WTF I had actually written. And. Um.  God it is painful for me to read it now. I OFFICIALLY SUCK AT EVERYTHING EXCEPT DIALOGUE AND CHARACTER MOVEMENTS INDICATING EMOTIONS OF SOME SORT. Seriously. It PAINS me. Fuck. I fucking miss dialogue. Dialogue is so simple. That and first person monologue/rambly thingies. Apparently, all this blogging is doing me awesome for first person.  ... I MISS DIALOGUE FUCK. Dude. Like, even if I get part three done now... argh. It'll either suck, in that I STILL can't do descriptions worth crap, or, on the flip side, it WON'T suck, and completely stand out from parts one and two and look really really weird and ARGH. EITHER WAY INVOLVES ME BANGING MY HEAD REPEATEDLY AGAINST THE NEAREST AVAILABLE HARD SURFACE. Of course, I SUPPOSE I could just avoid That Thing entirely by doing another scene from that one universe-which-I-will-so-fucking-turn-into-a-book-one-day-just-fucking-WATCH like I did for the reading last year... hrmm... *reads that one* Well. I hate my own writing less. So that wasn't a complete waste of time. Still. The whole doing a scene from that 'verse would require me to actually know what fucking scene to do. Seeing as how I've only got like... *mentally adds up*... five... six? Wow, you'd think I'd actually be able to do something with that. Ha. 'Sjust my luck they're all the hardest scenes to make actually LOOK GOOD ON PAPER without MURDERING THEM.  I'd do something with the other main characters, but I haven't even figured out this one guy's fucking motivation yet. It's quite a predicament, SINCE HE IS TECHNICALLY THE INSTIGATOR OF THE ENTIRE PLOT. Fucker. He's too evil to be a goody-two-shoes/justwantstosavehisfriendsfamilyetc, and he's two much of a goody-two-shoes to be evil enough to wreck something ginormous just for the big 'splosion at the end. Plus, that is such an easy way out. YEAH HE'S EVIL/INSANE THAT'S WHY HE DUN IT. Anyways. Still no real, fucking clue over what I'm doing here. I am tempted to just go to bed and sleep on it, figure out exactly what the fuck I'm doing then, wake up, write like mad on the bus, write lack mad through Computer Programming, write like mad for half an hour after, edit, then email assignment an hour before class starts so photocopies can be made and I can do the reading for class in the remaining hour. Yet, I just KNOW I'll hate myself on the bus ride in the morning. On the one hand, I REALLY WANNA FUCKING FINISH THAT STUPID THING. On the other hand, I AM STARTING TO HATE IT A LITTLE and I kinda really like playing with the other characters. Also, it has come to my attention that when I strive to come across as "semi-serious" I just end up coming across as "yayz light-hearted fun liek woah :D!" Maybe it would've helped if they knew the characters like I do. But then I reread it again, and go "... well, fuck. I am amusing myself with my own writing... shit, this IS lighthearted fun. CURSES FOILED AGAIN" aaaand so on. ... fuck, I'll finish the fucking thing. Wait *thinks*...god, I'm not sure I can do it. How many fucking POV changes do I need... lessee.... switch one... switch... switch... FUCK. I think we can rule out that. So. Scene from 'Verse it is. Just need to think of a good one. I'll go do that now.

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