понедельник, 8 октября 2007 г.

matadin: [Dreams] Hm.

For some reason, I've been having a dream on my mind lately which happened when I was in high school. I think I was in 10th grade at the time, or possibly 11th. A boy in my church youth group committed suicide. Nobody suspected that he was depressed or suicidal, so that made it all the more of a shock when they found his body downstairs. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I found out. It was after school. I was playing Terranigma (on an SNES ROM) on my family computer (I remember the part I was playing at in particular and that made this even more chilling) when I heard my mom on the phone, and heard her start crying, and then she told me and burst into tears again. I didn't cry until later on the car ride to the church. I felt some guilt because he and I used to be pretty good friends, and I wondered if we remained that way if he would still possibly be alive. I sat feeling guilty while other people from the group shared their experiences with him. It wasn't until a couple weeks later in which I had the dream. I dreamt I was standing in the back of the church and he suddenly appeared. I asked him how he was doing, and he told me he was doing fine. He was a little sad, but seemed at peace. I nodded, and then he told me to let his family know that he was doing fine. I never said anything to them, but when I talked to them again, I sort of thought about it. I think they picked it up. The whole experience was a turning point for me because it made me more determined to find solutions other than suicide when I was depressed. It also made me question my church's support network, even though I'm not sure how much that would have mattered anyway. It made me question the power of my dreams a bit more, of course. But I'm still curious about the answer to "Why am I thinking about this dream right now?" Blah.

Комментариев нет: